my mom just left to go back to the states... i can't help but to feel terrible and guilty for being a not-so-ideal daughter. we clashed a lot during her month-long stay here, but got into a horrible fight her last night and didn't really spend the last couple of days together because of me having to work and me not wanting to go out touring berlin during a blizzard. i know that she was disappointed and deeply hurt when she left, and i wish i could have been more patient and avoided the fights/treated her with more respect. blah blah blah. i hate the silence/emptiness that is left now... it's weird to come back home to someone & cook meals with someone else for a month, then go back to being completely alone. hopefully i'll finally learn from this. there was so much more i wanted to show her in berlin, but this weather really fucking blows and all the snow makes getting around so much more difficult... plus all the beautiful green parks are all frigid and hidden.
so i only have a month or so left of au pair work... i'm ending the contract early so that i can enjoy a little bit of time in berlin (maybe move in with and help out my old host family) before i have to start grad school. i'll be studying in southern germany for two semesters, buenos aires for another, and new dehli for another... i can't wait! i'm still not sure how i got into the program, but there is no point in dwelling on that. i'm studying with people from all over the world... one of the guys is from berlin + drums in an indie rock band + was on ethiopian idol. i love that!
the past month was pretty great overall, despite the constant fighting with mom and her yelling at me for still going to punk shows. we toured berlin & potsdam a lot, went to a lot of the AMAZING christmas markets, drove to prague for new years, etc etc. i also went to a few really great shows & parties... i saw strike anywhere at this small club here & had the time of my life (even stage dived for their last song, sunset on 32nd). the band dead to me from san francisco opened for them, and the guitarist looked REALLY REALLY familiar. turns out it was NATHAN GRICE... small fucking world and amazing band. we caught up a bit.. and then i stayed at the club dancing to good punk and rock music until 2-3 am.
so far i haven't strayed tooo far from my new years resolutions. though i did meet one guy from mutual friends and he seems pretty cool, very nice & is an amazing kisser... though, it won't go too far since i'm leaving in a couple of months. hopefully i can just hang out, not freak out & enjoy the moment(s).
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